affirmation of indifference

Sitting under street lights,
I wonder upon calloused strings.
Heart so abrasive,
It has to struggle in being.
A little girl ponders,
Under humming yellow bulbs,
Wreckage in packages,
And crystal fragments in molds.
Could a shell be perfection?
Only the echos could have told,
And if the creeks give me direction
The noise was my home.
I could have been that blessing, yet
I was never known
To be that woman,
Sweet,
Understanding,
Kind in all regards.
Yet I am the bittersweet fraction
Of a Light mangled and marred.
You see,
Compassion has escaped me



So I wrote this poem last night sitting in my car, Helios playing melotic tunes, pages being lit by the overhead street light, and I felt the sensation of a revelation bubbling within me. I myself, as empty as a soda can on a hot day, find that the compassion I have so longed for back in my strung out teen days, had become far from my character. Sort of an ego buster to realize that I've become this heartless callous woman who thinks that everyone should have their act together and if they don't, well then they just suck. Needless to say, I felt bad about my present character flaw, yet with the day-hope arose. I've been reading this book called 'Velvet Elvis' and I came across a part today where the author was describing people who continue to ignore the things in their life that need attention until one day they've become this empty, shell of a person. Talk about affirmation. Luckily, God decided to show me my growing 'shellness' before I became completely hollow, nut less shell. Compassion is good, because we've all done extremely stupid things in our life. And it is amazing when someone doesn't focus on what you did and how stupid it was, but rather they focus on just loving you for you.