Life after M-day

So how's married life? A common question proposed to me now-a-days.
Honestly?
I'd have to say it's pretty awesome. I think the idea of marriage is scarier when viewed on the other side but now that I've crossed that boundary, things are greener.
I feel like I can finally breathe easy in my relationship with Micah. Not that I was uneasy with him, things just felt different, like a piece of puzzle missing-an incompleteness if you will.

The wedding felt like a dream and we felt God's approval on that day. Knowing that we are in a God ordain relationship has made any doubts or fears just fall away.

Life's a beach

Why when 'it rains, it pours'? Why does stress come softly to the point of migraines and body ailments?
These two weeks have been some of the hardest two week that I've had to deal with in a while and I can't seem to get my stress down to a manageable level without including some kind of pain medicine to numb the headache and aid sleepless nights. So why do I pop pills and sleep my life away? Something I'm trying to figure out at this moment I guess, maybe you have an answer for me. Is it society telling me that's the quick fix or is it my lazy attempt to fix a problem.

Marriage

I'm engaged
People keep asking me if I feel any different since I've been so
I guess in a way I do.
Since Micah is the only man I've ever consisdered marrying I guess there is a greater sense of commitment and belonging that I have with him.
With this new sense of commitment comes many new changes, some are easy and the others are rather difficult.
At times changing my old ways can be extremely hard, luckily I'm weird and I like the task of having to alter my mentality, in this case I'm having to think in a sense of 'we' instead of just 'me'.
I've thought about myself for so long it will be a nice change to think in terms of another being, selfless and considerate though trying to overcome selfish desires.
I like being engaged.
I think I'll like marriage ever better because of the challenges it will pose and the outcomes are determined by your actions.
I like knowing that God has an ultimate plan for us but he also gives us control to shape of lives.
These are exciting times.

circles

i am an entirety

whole. satisfied. fulfilled.

i am the essence of a sphere. the roundness of circle. a mind in thought and then a thought to mind.
i am complete.
be it my convictions to blush at such a bold declaration, yet this present second concedes that i am happy.
maybe it is an emotion, whether fleeting or concrete, it stands that i am able to retain the shape of absoluteness.
yet where does this confession stem?
not within my humanity. for my humanity has brought me squares, ovals, and triangles. misshaped deficents of form.

no. god is wholeness. god is circle, god is sphere. i realize that i merely prance upon pre-drawn lines that characterized my developed shape. god is my shape. the more i blend the more i bend. smooth curves of contentment.
i am complete.

how do i look?

we've all been hit with some kind of subliminal message about how Gucci can change our lives. the media knows that as women we strive to achieve some perfection because society and our own mother's insecurities told us we were not perfect as we are. and although i am not a man i've known men who go through the same type of body image insecurity, maybe not as annoying as girls are can be but they do have the same issues as women. is my stomach bulging? arms too flabby? sound familiar at all?
i'm all for taking pride in how you look (in fact i'm looking into what it takes to ban people from wearing sweatpants in public) but things go too far when we can never get to the bottom of self-hatred and move into self-esteem. i've struggle with body image issues for as long as i can remember. i use to think that my extra flab was disgusting and didn't know who could bare to look at it. yet, i've finally learned that i'll never be a victoria secret model, or prance down a runway, and the extra stuff here and just makes me softer. i mean really, who wants to snuggle up to bony elbows and pointy ribs anyways? curves are the way to go.
on the other hand, yes you should be happy with yourself but not if happy means living an unhealthy lifestyle. as americans we can take overindulgence to a new level. too many ribs, too much chocolate cake, too much of everything really. life and weight isn't about being as skinny as you can, it's about being healthy. i've have two family members die of cancer and another that has just been diagnosed. i know i don't want to be another statistic in my family. i think if you work to be healthy then the positive body image will follow.
so go live
be healthy not indulgent.
be wise and live better.

what is american?

greedy. redneck. work-a-holic. excess. mono-linguistic. fast food. fat & happy.

This is the list of traits my cross-cultural class thinks the world sees Americans. I don't know about you, but this list doesn't describe me. So who are we? I know who I am, but does that necessarily describe you? I like movies, music, and dining out, does that make me American? As my professor was asking for examples I couldn't think of anything except freedom. Obvious answer I would think, but no one said that one, in fact no one said anything positive. Read the list again. Tell me one thing up there that makes you proud of your heritage. Honestly, I felt a little sick inside to think that my peers show an extreme lack of pride in who they are as a nationality. There is a lot that we should be proud of. How about the fact we have a fascinating and highly advanced economic system? How about the fact we have freedom of speech? Freedom of religion? We can go anywhere we please, we can explore, think, and discover. As a woman I like knowing that I can have my own career without someone trying to push me back into the kitchen. American to me is being an independant, strong woman who vocalizes her ideas and doesn't like to be told she can't. I'm American because I love cheese grits and going to church on Sunday. I love being able to vote and write angry letters to companies, so that makes me American. I love art, music, and everything beautiful because of America. I think being something means that that something has shaped you into who you are. I am American because I was born in America, and the things that I have learned is because of my environment.

So who are you? What are you proud of? What is being American to you?

The Graduate

So I saw 'The Graduate' for the first time at the SLC. Overall, it was very funny movie with a small dash of some very twisted plots. Through the laughter though I couldn't help but feel sorry for the vixen, Mrs. Robinson. Yes, yes I know she was a little vindictive and manipulative but part of me can't help but wonder if that is her natural character or a product of years of an unhappy marriage. Although marrying someone because you have a child with them is noble and ethically right, I wonder if sometimes God doesn't mind if you decide to take the alternative and remain unwed. Although, I think that question might be a little to broad, and would be better off being tailored to the situation. God is ever so gracious so I assume he would not be willing to have you be miserable for the sake of marriage, but then again faith and willingness to live according to his will would probably mean things would be better off if you left it up to him and not so much to your own judgements. I think God could always find the good within the bad, and I think because he is 'love', he remains faithful and patient through the most difficult of decisions as long as you allow him to. So, don't you see Mrs. Robinson? Jesus loves you more than you could know.